Dallas has a raging case of Houston envy

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If I’ve learned anything from my 7 or so years in Dallas, it’s that people from here LOVE to tell you how much Houston sucks. They’ll tell you all about how gross and “poor” Houston seems…unless you live in an ungated community or not in an overpriced condo. Then they’ll treat you like an immigrant and won’t tell you anything because they would never bring themselves to converse with you.

In case you’ve never been to Dallas, allow me to bring you up to speed.  There is no getting around the fact that it’s a beautiful city. However, once you get past the shiny exterior and actually try to meet people here, you’ll quickly realize that it is filled with pretentious people who can only be compared to children in their parents’ closet playing dress up and trying to out-trend each other. It’s nothing like Houston, where you could be at a gas station and strike a meaningful conversation with a complete stranger of a different race, religion, side-o-the tracks, or background over a Texans bumper sticker.  Of course, you could also just as well get shot or stabbed at the same gas station a week later, but that diversity adds a street smart mentality to every native Houstonian that they don’t seem to have here in Dallas. Houstonians, despite what impression you may get while driving on the freeways (the rule is, it’s every man for himself on 290), are friendly, easy to approach, and non judgmental. The people there drink beer and bond over stories of going to the rodeo and how awesome Astroworld used to be.  Up here in Dallas the people seem to walk around with a weird sense of entitlement and almost want you to look at them wrong so that they can say “I’m from South Lake and I know the police chiefs brother”. If you get invited to a party here, expect to sip wine and goofy-ass mixed drinks made with shit that nobody’s ever heard of while you’re dazzled with stories of community theater. To prove my point, I once went to a superbowl party and was literally made fun of in front of a group of people because my shirt wasn’t ironed.

The snobbiness here is tacky and the native people wear it with pride. I’ve actually stood there and listened to a man in a red short-sleeve buttoned down shirt with a tie on, like some kind of early 90s stand-up comedian, talk about how Houston’s lack of zoning makes it trashy. I’ll repeat that…..a man in a red short-sleeve buttoned down shirt with a tie on, like some kind of Dwight Schrute fan club president….like some schmuck who was passed on for the call center lower level management promotion…(last one) like some kind of Arbys mid-day shift manager with limited access to the safe, called Houston trashy.

Houston, at face value, isnt the most glamorous city. Its freeways sometimes give you the same feeling you get when you have to step foot inside of any Walmart….I’ll admit that, but if I were in Houston today, I’d be rich with friends and culture. The down to earth, street smart, multi-cultural people make me wish that I could move back there and share it with my daughter.  Instead, we’re stranded in Dallas.

31 thoughts on “Dallas has a raging case of Houston envy

  1. Fun read! Your reasons hit so true to home! I’ve been living abroad for over a year and a half, and have yet to meet people as easy to know and talk to as my fellow houstonians!

    Now I’m homesick Lol

  2. The thing I like about Dallas is, the air doesn’t make my eyes and lungs burn. It actually smells like air instead of burning chemicals.

    • It’s true. Like I said, Dallas is a beautiful city. Different strokes I gues, but air pollution is one of those things that can be solved with technology. Once that happens, Dallas will still have unfriendly people using cleaner technology.

    • You’re seriously praising Dallas for its air quality? Houston’s air is particularly terrible, but that doesn’t make Dallas an untouched prairie paradise.

      • I agree. I think when the air quality gets brought up, it’s apparent that the point of the post was overlooked. You can fix air quality, but you can’t fix assholes. (Proctologists excluded)

      • Where I’m from anywhere in the adult world, if you wear a wrinkled ass shirt you look like a lazy slob, and get no respect. Why are your clothes wrinkled in the first place?

      • I never said I was wearing a “wrinkled ass” shirt….I said it wasn’t pressed. The sleeves were rolled up and the collar was lazy. If you want to wear prissy pressed shirts and loafers to a Super Bowl party and get online to make your pecker feel bigger by being an ass then that’s your thing…but it’s not mine. Where I’m from we don’t go to Super Bowl parties looking for respect….that’s something that little guys in pretty shirts do.

  3. Yeah I wish the MetroRail connected with Austin and maybe San Antonio..Dallas not very entertaining place to be on a regular day..Houstonian love Houston just wish we had a bigger Austinish section yeah I’m techie, geeky what ever you want to call it..But honestly this could be an overall southern thing, fuck a the southern hospitality shit..to me that’s just being fake..ex: Don’t speak to me and ask How are you doing? Hey the weather is great outside or some bull every time you see me..Be your self folks its okay…;

    • I couldn’t agree more. People at my office ask me every day, “hey, how are you?”.

      I always respond with either” good enough” or “I’m alive and employed, just like yesterday”

  4. I’m sorry, this is the dumbest thing I have ever read. I’ve lived in Dallas for 22 years, and not once have I ever experienced any of the so called envy of Houston. Believe it or not, dallas and houston are very similar cities. Both have very friendly, down to earth people and their fair share of assholes. Yes you might be able to find those pretentious d-bags in dallas, but a majority of dallasites are proud of our city and how beautiful it and its people are. Keep in mind, we’re texans too and we pride ourselves on friendliness. This article just talks about how dallas looks down on houston, however all i see are articles like this bashing dallas. You must have a very limited scope on the city because this place is awesome

    • Don’t be sorry. It’s your hometown, I wouldn’t expect you to have the same view of the city as someone who moved here. I wasnt speaking of literal envy…the title of this post is a play on the term “penis envy”. I will also say, a person isn’t usually offended by their own farts, are they?

  5. Shhhhhh…enough people already know. Next thing you’ll be telling people how we fly to the Caribbean in an hour and a half – commercial- beer in the hand ass in the sand or how you can eat better food cheaper here than any place on earth, and how there is always a way to get good tickets to anything without “knowing someone” or too much trouble. If you keep talking about the benefits instead of bashing Houston every day we will NEVER get people to stop coming here! Shhhhh…..

  6. I’m a long-time Houstonian and have always enjoyed my visits to Dallas … Folks there are fine, but maybe I don’t hit the same places you do. Now Austin … don’t get me started about that place.

    • Don’t get me wrong, Dallas, in my experience, isn’t an absolute hell hole. It’s just that after spending some time here and hearing from the natives how horrible, trashy, and “blue collar” Houston is, it starts to make you see everyone as pretentious assholes. Just like with Houston, everyone isn’t the exact same, and there are assholes there too, but I’ve noticed in Dallas the natives seem to have a “think for yourself” mentality, and I’m missing the “same team” mentality that I used to find over and over again in Houston.

      When you’re out of Houston and you meet someone else from there, you get almost a slight sense of comradery and bond easier.

  7. I love my hometown of Dallas, but your comments are, sadly, true. One thing that always struck me about Dallas is how they are bandwagoners when it comes to sports. Ever see the crowd at a Cowboys game when they’re losing – they lose interest and get bored. They really have a “what have you done for me lately” mentality when it comes to their support.
    I live in Houston now. Always had the same attitude about it like a typical Dallasite. However, I now agree with the statement, “Houston. You cry when you get here and cry when you have to leave it.”
    Now Austin? My second hometown? It believes its own hype. Austin has become Dallas but with more hipsters and cooler bars.

  8. I love your post. Love it. I hate Dallas because the people there are so pretentious and over the top about their nonsense. The airport is horrible. Blech.
    PS – two typos must have missed autocorrect because you wrote the rest so well.
    “It’s freeways sometimes give you the same feeling…” –> Its
    “Instead, were stranded in Dallas.” –> we’re

    • Aaww, I appreciate the benefit of the doubt with the autocorrect assumption. Unfortunately, I was talking to a coworker after I started this blog about how much I feel out of practice with writing. Those were genuine mistakes (or learning opportunities) on my part.

  9. I’m from Houston and have never experienced the envy of Dallas…maybe because I never lived there. Also, could be the fact that I accept that Houston is not what I would call a gorgeous place. However, I don’t see Dallas as all that great either. I honestly think they are pretty comparable. To me, a 3-4 hour car ride doesn’t make that big of a difference between people. Anyway, I don’t really care to argue this….just thought I should point out that I think you made a spelling mistake in your last line (something that doesn’t help your argument)….” Instead, were stranded in Dallas.” I think you meant to put “we’re” stranded. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but when you are making a strong argument…you don’t want to give something as simple as a spelling mistake for ammo for the opposition.

  10. I am from Fort Worth, which means I can’t really talk much to the Dallas points since I’ve never lived there, even if I set foot there every day for work. And while I do have to say, most of DFW puts down Houston, it’s not for the reasons you mention. I have said I’d stay away from moving to Houston because of the weather (gotta hate the humidity!) and the traffic, which we still get our fair share of! I think there are plenty of fantastic places in Houston with character, but not sure if it will ever be where I decide to hang my hat.

  11. I moved from Houston to Dallas in 06 and my first night out there some guys wanted to show us around and we got turned away at a bar because “we didn’t have enough hot chicks with us” – direct quote. That douche thrilling night pretty much summed up the city for the two years I lived there. Glad to be back in Houston. Pollution puts hair on your chest you pressed oxford wearing poon-tang. <– greatest word ever.

  12. I’ve been in Dallas for about a year now after living in Houston for about six years. I agree that Dallas may look better on the exterior, but what’s underneath isn’t all that great.

    Dallas–the city of $30,000 millionaires!

  13. I’m from Houston and lived in Dallas for a short stint. I found the article to be authentic to my experience there also. There are a lot of pretentious, Houston-haters in Dallas. We never talk about Dallas here but there were lots of times Houston was brought up out of nowhere in Dallas. I was made fun of for not having matching ski gear. What ever. I told the guy he was a douche bag and was done with it. Left that place as soon as I could. Austin is a much nicer city than Dallas, although it has changed quite a bit since I lived there.

  14. Just recently relocated up to dallas and pretty much all that is true. My husband wishes we didn’t live here either. To bad my job is here. Plus I can’t find a tex-mex place that holds a candle to anything in Houston. I need Mexican food terribly!

  15. Great read, and completely true. I’m from San Antonio — been in Dallas for 13 years. Beautiful city with nice places to go, but it’s hard to find real people without the insecure egos. Fort Worth is nice though.

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